


Not an Ideal Scenario

by junkyarddoll



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Post-Hogwarts, Shoebox Project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8035285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junkyarddoll/pseuds/junkyarddoll
Summary: James finds out that Sirius and Remus are together by walking in on them. Inspired by a conversation with a friend lamenting that there is not more of the Shoebox Project and the things we would have liked to see if it had continued





	Not an Ideal Scenario

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Shoebox Project](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/229363) by Ladyjaida and dorkorific. 



Getting married was a big deal and generally something you should tell your best friend about, preferably beforehand. Which was exactly what James intended to do. The moment he and Lily decided he promised himself that he’d tell Sirius, tomorrow. Only now tomorrow is yesterday and Friday is rapidly approaching. He knows he has to get it over with and tell Sirius. Yes, there will be snarky remarks about domestically and Sirius will sulk, but it must be done!  After all he’s his best mate; Sirius would never hide something this big and important from him.

~

James finds Sirius’ door unlocked so he walks straight in; without knocking, without thinking, just wanting to get this over with. There are clothes scattered on the floor. He notices Remus’ green sweater is there but doesn’t think anything of it; after all Sirius was always nicking it that thing in school. He hears movement in the kitchen and begins to walk towards it;

“Hey, Sirius!” James calls, “I’ve got something I need to-”

Sirius is indeed in the kitchen, naked in kitchen. Now Sirius in the buff was hardly a strange sight for James but Remus was there too, also naked. That was strange but not the reason James was now frozen mid sentence in shock. Sirius and Remus were not just naked, but in the process of attempting to detangle themselves from one another.

~

“Fuck.” Sirius mutters, as Remus promptly grabs an oven mitt, and flees from the room in an attempt to maintain the remainder of his dignity. Sirius, on the other hand has lost the entirety of his dignity already, takes a moment to reflect on how much he hates James right now. That was the first and now mostly likely, the only time he had been able convinced Moony that sex did not required a bed, it could occur anywhere, including say; a kitchen.  Then James Bloody Potter had to walk in and ruin all his hopes of mastering the art of eating food and having sex simultaneous. That’s it the only solution is to murder James and be done with it, then he will never be able interrupt fantastic kitchen based sex again.

Then again, given the state he was currently in the odds of him interrupting them ever again were slim as it were. Sirius thinks, watching James repetitively bang his head on the nearby wall, muttering something about needing a memory charm.

“We really should of said something earlier, hey Moony?”

“Do you really think it would have made a difference?” The now fully clothed Remus replies, “I’m not sure anything could have made _that_ easier for him.”

“Serves him right though. What kind of bloke goes around walking into people locked apartments without knocking?”

“The door was unlocked.” James howls, before resuming his attempts to beat the image of what he just saw out of his brain.

“You said the door was locked.”

“I said, I thought it was locked. I can’t be blamed for inaccuracy when I’m otherwise occupied.” Sirius mumbles.

“Just go put on some pants. I should check James is okay.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

~

In a few minutes, Sirius is in pants, James is slightly less likely to throw himself off a cliff and everyone is seated on the couch, except for Remus, who is making tea because it is the only thing he can think of doing in the situation.

“So, how long?” James finally asks.

“How long, what?”

“You know what I mean, Sirius! How long have you been doing… _that_?”

“We have been doing ‘that’ for about 8 months.” Sirius replies, emphasizing the word ‘that’ with air quotes.

“And you never told me?”

“It gets worst; we’ve been together since just before the end of seventh year.” Says Remus, returning with the tea; which James promptly chokes on.

“Since seventh year?!”

“Look mate, we never meant to hide anything from you. It just never came up. Never seemed like the right time.”

“We would have told you eventually.” Remus adds.

“Seventh year?”

“Yes.” Remus and Sirius say simultaneously.

“No, stop that. No, couple-talking-at-the-same-time-stuff. My head can’t take it right now.” James pauses, taking in the situation. “I don’t understand how?”

“Well, you see Moony shouted at me a bit, snogged me and ran off. Then I went and found him vomiting in the toilets and snogged him back and then-”

“Not quite what I meant. I mean… just… how? Sirius, how? You’re not gay… Remus… I suppose, could be, no offense meant.”

“None taken.”

“But Sirius, that thing with Sophie. All those girls you flirted with in school. You can’t be gay.”

“Who says I am?”

“But you were just… Then… You were…”

“Having sex with a bloke? Well, you see that wasn’t just any bloke; that was Moony, mate. I’m very particular about the men I sleep with, exclusive even. I am a one Moony man. Moony-sexual, if you will. Him on the other hand,” Sirius says jerking his thumb in Remus’ direction,

“A total slut. Throws himself at everyone. Did you know, last August when we were off almost getting ourselves killed, he throw himself and a quiche at one young lady _and_ threaten to go have it off with Caradoc Dearborn?! I was devastated! Scandalised! Heartbroken!” By the end of this rant Sirius had melodramatically fainted onto the couch then, proceed to roll off it on the floor, where he now lay face down.

“Is he dead?” James asks.

“Let’s hope so.” Remus replies, nudging Sirius’s body with his foot. Which earned him a one armed flail and a loud,

“BLRARRRRRRGH!”

“Apparently not.” Remus pauses, not entirely sure what to say or do in this kind of situation. Someone really needed to write a _Guide to ‘So Your Friend Just Walked in on His Best Mates Having Sex’ and Other Awkward Conversations_ , it would be extremely helpful.

“James, about… this… Sirius and I. You are okay about it, right?”

“Yeah. A little shocked, but I’m glad Sirius has someone around, making sure he doesn’t lose it completely, and no one’s better at that than you. So, as long as Sirius’ intentions are pure, er, pure-ish, and promises not to drive you within an inch of your sanity. I’ve got no problem with it.”

“My intentions are always pure!” Sirius protests into the carpet.

“Good.” Remus says.

“Good.” James repeats, standing up. “Look, I should probably go… Need to get home to Lily and all.”

“Of course. We’ll see you around, then.” Remus says, standing up again.

“See ya, Prongs!” Sirius adds, springing up right.

“Bye.” James calls, as Remus walks him to the door. After James is gone, Remus promptly locks the door, turning around face Sirius,

“So, where were we?” Sirius just grins.

~

“Hey Lily! I’m home. You won’t believe this.” James shouts, as he slams shut their front door. Lily looks up from painting her toenails a bright red. Rather like the colour of her hair, James thinks, and gives him a pointed look.

“I won’t believe what, exactly?”

“Sirius and Remus are…” James begins to explain, but finds himself fumbling for the appropriate word for what he just walked in on.

“Together?” Lily helpfully offers. Well yes of course they were together, they’re always together; have been since school. James thinks as he attempts to explain,

“…in a sexual way.”

“Mhmm.” She mumbles in agreement as she returns her focus to her toe nails, seemingly unsurprised by this new revelation. Almost as if it was old news…

“…Wait. You knew?!” Lily looks up again at James, still appearing completely calm and unbothered by the news that his two best mates were buggering one another.

“I only found out recently but yes. I suppose they finally told you, then?”

“Not exactly… I walked in on them.” James muttered, looking down and going a little red in the face.

“Oh?” It takes Lily a moment to grasp what James means, “Oh! That must have been a bit of a shock. What were you even doing there over?”

“I went to tell them…” James pauses realising what he had forgotten in the aftershock of his trauma, “Shit! I completely forgot to tell them.” He swears, as he lets himself drop on to the couch beside Lily, head in hands. Lily shifts over towards him, placing her arm around him; she begins speaking in calm docile tones, akin to those used when speaking to a mental patient,

“Well, that’s understandable, you were in shock. What were you going to tell them?” Peering through his fingers at her pretty face,

James mumbles a response;

“About us; getting married and all.” Lily chuckles a little at this reply.

“Oh, that. Don’t worry.” James looks at her with a mildly confused look on his face, Lily continues, “I knew you’d be terrified of telling Sirius. So, I went over there and told them yesterday. Actually, that’s how I know. I forgot to knock and walked in on them kissing.” At that last statement James leaps up off the couch and begins to shout with new found outrage,

“Kissing!? How come you only walk in on kissing and I get the whole bloody peep show! Not fair!”


End file.
